Monday, August 26, 2013

What is a runner?

Since I began to consider myself a runner, I came down with a case of the buts. You know how it goes:

I'm a runner but ... I am slower than molasses rolling uphill in the winter.

I'm a runner but ... I am still kind of new at it and can't go very far.

I'm a runner but ... a lot of people can walk faster than me.

I'm a runner but ... I use run/walk/run intervals.

I'm a runner but ... I don't have a runner's "body" and am overweight.

And the list can go on and on.

I hear people saying these things all the time (Crap, we all know that I SAY THESE THING ALL THE TIME). But why? Why do we feel the need to quantify our self descriptors based on our speed, or our distance, or our weight? Why do we negate our own self perceptions when talking to others?

In my brain, I am a runner. I'm not like Hussein Bolt. I'm definitely not a Kenyan. But I am a runner. I am a STRONG runner. I am a STEADY runner. I run.


The past few months I have been making a concerted effort to not validate myself as a runner. I am just a runner. Period. End of sentence. End of paragraph.

I am a runner because I need to run to maintain my normal daily life. I am a runner because if I go a number of days without running, I get irritable and desperate for the opportunity to log some miles. I am a runner because I run.

The other day, a female runner that I know wrote a status update on facebook that really hurt me. Although it wasn't exactly what she said, the metamessage was that the title of Runner should be reserved only for those who run at a certain pace. She wanted to know at what pace is someone no longer a runner and when they are just a walker using the wrong title. I don't know how else to explain what she wrote, and she has long since taken the update down... but you get the gist.

And I tried a dozen times to just chalk my hurt up to being overly sensitive about my own slower than molasses pace, but I couldn't. I reminded myself that it wasn't personal, but that didn't make it hurt any less. I know she didn't say this to personally attack me... which is why I protect her identity. And I'm hoping she wasn't talking about me in general, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

I run slow. In my first half marathon, I was passed in mile 12 by an octogenarian with a tri-wheel walker. In my shamrock 10-miler in march, I was passed by a 30-something who was on arm crutches.  I'M SLOW. But I am still a runner. I bust my ass, and I run.

And I am angry that someone I know would try to take that away from me or cut me down.

It reminds me of the mean girls in high school who had to cut themselves down to build themselves up. Under normal circumstances, the running community isn't like that. Normally it is people building one another up and helping one another along with encouragement. Not cutting one another down because so-and-so is a faster runner and therefore is more entitled to use the term Runner to describe themselves.


Before judging others, we need to remember that we all started somewhere. For most runners it was when they were in their childhood years. The kids ran around on the playground... and most adult runners just never stopped. But what about the people like me who learned to run at the age of 31? When you see me now, you just see a fat girl running. You don't immediately see all of the health and medical issues that I have had to overcome to get to where I am. So lets try not to judge.

And if you are like those creepy guys in cars who holler as they drive by me while I'm running... it ain't nuttin buta thang. You don't bother me. You just look dumb. Because we all know that you are just trying to make yourself look better by cutting others down... and we know you are secretly jealous. I'd like to see you get out of the car and run 10 miles with me.

12 comments:

  1. Love, love, love, love, love! I'm working myself through this as well, making sure that I am not discounting myself with all the BUT's. I find it even harder when injured. I caught myself saying I don't LOOK like a runner the other day and stopped myself b/c being a runner is something you FEEL on the INSIDE, not how you look or how fast you go!

    Hope you get good news at the DR. I'm resting again after my race on Saturday, my heel is still not better...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. not great news karen. and if you are still in pain, i would suggest that you take a trip to the dr as well. and make sure you are giving your heel plenty of RICE. positive vibes your way.

      Delete
  2. Great post! I have had some of these idea's in my head. I am not a size 2 runner, and because of that it's easy to get caught up in the idea of "the perfect runner". But the truth is, anyone who runs even the smallest amount at any pace can call themselves a runner!
    I don't think size matters a bit! I pass skinny little girls all the time in races, and I've had some larger people pass me, size doesn't determine a runner! Feet on the pavement does:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love that you describe a runner as the feet on the pavement as the defining characteristic of a runner. what a great description. thanks for the kind words, as always.

      Delete
  3. I really appreciate this post! I have a lot of the same feelings as you. I'm not fast. I get mad every time my boyfriend's mom posts a running update. (She got me/us into running, but is soooo much faster than me! Not legitimately mad, but frustrated.) I get frustrated going to the gym with my boyfriend because he's so much faster than me. Though I can go further. I get frustrated at races, because sometimes I have to fight to be not last. I don't feel like I "deserve" to be a runner because I'm overweight, etc. It's nice to know that there are others that have the same issues!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you for chiming in lauren. It is awesome to hear that I am not alone in my thoughts on this topic.

      Delete
  4. Wow! I actually hate running but at the end of my running session, I actually love it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. that is actually how I feel most of the time too. running and I have a massive love/hate relationship. I hate every moment of it (usually) but feel awesome after. and accomplished. and balanced. its crazy.

      Delete
  5. You are a runner. Anyone who gets out there and moves it and thinks in times and miles and goals is a runner. I think those who think there is a "speed" limit for being a runner have some bizarre issues. Unless they're breaking the tape at races they are slower than other runners too. I truly believe it's a matter of heart not speed, but that's just me, a middle of the pack and worked my butt off to get there, overweight, middle aged runner in a sparkle skirt!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you are right April. when i first saw that post, i couldnt help but think that the girl who wrote it had some seriously bizarro issues about herself.... just like the mean girls from high school. The running community is super supportive of one another and out at races, she has always been supportive of me if we cross paths... but to hear something like this really hurt. she wasnt the person that i thought she was. how sad that she has to build herself up by cutting others down.

      Delete
  6. Anyone who ran a half marathon on a brisk Montana morning last September on crappy gravel with howling winds the entire time is not only a runner, but a Grade A Badass in my book.

    ReplyDelete