Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Sad, Upset, and Feeling Broken.

One of the things that I find really important these days is maintaining a positive attitude.

I spent so much of my life being pessimistic and self-conscious, and recently I have realized what a waste of time that is. When I was growing up, I used to obsess about the what-ifs and the negative things that I was experiencing... always trying to find ways to fix my mistakes...

As an adult, when I felt myself going to that place I would call my amazing mother for advice... which always ended with "Amy, don't let yourself go there. Stay away from that place."

And recently I have become acutely aware of how the outlook of others can affect my own outlook. When trying to remain positive myself, I am now making a concerted effort to surround myself with positive and supportive people so that I can continue to remain positive and be supportive of myself and others as well. Kind of like the basic tenets from Rhonda Byrne's books, The Secret and The Power. You maintain a positive attitude and positivity and good things will be returned to you in the process.

And it works. It really, truly works.

Except that today, I am having trouble being positive. Instead, I just feel sad. And upset. And broken.

We all know that I have been struggling with foot/ankle issues in my right leg. Last time I wrote about my injury, I talked about how the xrays showed no breaks, showed dorsal spurring, and how the Dr. believed that it was just achilles tendon issues. The remedy was to be off my feet for 2 weeks.

And I didn't want to follow his orders. But I did anyway... lest I get worse and sabotage my upcoming 6 in 6 birthday gift to myself. In the end, I actually managed to stay off my feet for 2 and a half weeks. I went stir crazy, but I did it. and I went out for a couple of runs last week and had absolutely no pain.

I thought that was the end of it.

Until I went to my part time job on Saturday. This job is fast paced and I find myself averaging about 16,000 steps during a shift. About halfway through my shift (when I was at about 9,000 steps), I started to feel significant pain in my heel. Then by the time I hit 12,000 steps, I could barely walk. Other employees were concerned but I brushed it off with my newly adopted power of positivity.

But I knew there was something wrong. I knew I had to be concerned.

First thing yesterday morning, I called the doctor and got an urgent appt with the orthopedic. I went in there knowing that there was probably nothing that could be done, but I knew I was going to ask if there was anything that they could do so that I could resume my life while still following the orders for RICE. I kept thinking a boot would make sense, so I went in and asked specifically if that would make sense.

And I KNEW KNEW KNEW that a boot wouldn't be recommended because it was soft tissue damage and walking boots are rarely prescribed for tendonitis. I KNEW he would say no... which is why I felt confident in suggesting it... (how ass backwards is that?)

And wouldn't you know... the very first thing the Dr said was that he agreed that I needed to be in a boot. And now I need an MRI.... because how the heck does someone follow Dr. orders for 2+ weeks of rest and wind up WORSE???

He told me he hasnt ruled out my being able to participate in my upcoming birthday races... and he will make that decision after seeing my MRI....

But I'm angry. And hurt. I've been preparing for this since May. And less than 3 weeks out, I am falling apart.

I'm allowed to take my boot off to shower, sleep (when I am supposed to replace it with a different boot), and ride my bike (if I can tolerate it)... and the Dr says I am looking at being in it until at least the end of September...

If he clears me to run the races at Center of the Nation... I will be traveling with the boot and wearing it every moment that I am not actually running. But the verdict is still out on that. Trying to be positive.

But all I want to do is cry.


  1. So so sorry Amy, I know this feeling and it sucks. I'm nursing a minor injury that I think will be better, but it's just so hard not being able to run when you want to. It's hard to stay positive but I'm trying.

  2. Amy trust me I know how frustrating this all can be. I went through this the last 2 races starting with South Carolina!! I had to miss out on such a wonderful event taking place and sit back in a stupid tent while 40 people got to be a part of something so incredible. I have had to cancel all my races in September well besides Hog Wild (i am walking it against doctors orders). It truly stinks but it will get better with time and if all else fails have a glass of wine! Love you girl! I am here if you need to talk.

  3. Sorry Amy! My heart feels for you, and I know EXACTLY what you are feeling and going through. As I have been dealing with Achillies Tendinitis issues now for 8 months now.
    I know it's easy to get down, I do it all the time! But the good news is, if you take care of it, it WILL get better!
    As for if it will take a few weeks to a few years. It all comes down to how much rest you can get and to stay off of it early on. If it helps, my doctors have me icing mine for 20 minutes 4-6 times a day.
    I have worn a boot for the better half of the past 3 months - but I am just now starting to go off it (except at work).
    Here are a few tips that have worked well for me, add heel inserts to your shoes, 3/4" - Never wear flats - avoid any type of low drop or minimal running shoe (forever) and Ice and when it's ready do calf lifts and calf stretches (but not until its ready)
    Hopefully you'll have a better and much faster recover process than I have. I find out in 2 weeks if my best option is to undergo surgery (if the tendon is ruptured) and then I go from there.
    If you even need to chat, hit me up! This comment is long enough, but I have a slew of tips and advice I have received from doctors and distance runners to help me recover as fast as possible through this, I'm more than willing to share! Good luck my friend!!

  4. Ugh, I'm so sorry to hear that your pain came back. The one good thing here is that you got an MRI so they should have a real diagnosis, not just the "well we think it's this so just rest it". I hope you get a good report back and that this heals up for you soon. Keep us posted!

  5. The break is mental...