Friday, June 14, 2013

Introspection on training

Last night's 5 mile training run was hot and humid. It had rained all day and though Weather.com said that it was 78 feels like 81, the oppressive dampness in the air made it all the more difficult to breathe. Having only gotten one other run in this week, I knew I needed to get out there and run... I also knew the endorphins and serotonin would do me good.

At almost 2 miles in, I passed a woman who was in her driveway. She asked how I was, to which I responded "its too hot for this."

"No it isn't" she responded, "Its never too hot out when you have goals. You can do this."

She will never fully know what hearing that meant to me... but I am thankful for her and her kindness.

On the surface, It is clear why hearing those words would be encouraging. But there is more to it than that.

Because I have a confession to make.

I had this great plan to train for my upcoming bout of insanity at the Center of the Nation Series in September. This plan consisted of a modified build up like I did last year for my first half marathon. I would run 5 miles for 5 days in a row (5x5), then the next week I would run 6 miles for 5 days in a row (6x5), then back to 5x5 then up to 7x5, back to 5x5 and up to 8x5. and so on. While it would take hard work and be totally doable, it involved running 5 days per week from now until the middle of September.

That's a lot of running. And you know... life is running away with me. I'm once again finding myself spread just a little too thin. I never say no, and I am always doing-doing-doing for other people. And between all of this other stuff for other people and the crap-tastic weather in South Florida (really it should be renamed the Thunderstorm State rather than the Sunshine State)... my own training falls to the wayside.

And while I hesitate to say this, I know that for my own mental well being, I need to:

Putting everyone else first, it JUST NOT FAIR.

I'm a list keeper. Anyone who knows me will say that I have lists for everything. Not only that, but my lists are kept on post-it notes, and my desk is covered with them. These lists are for everything that I am working on for school, for work, for my philanthropic endeavors, reminders for bills and phone calls, reminders for appointments (I also put postits all over the inside of my calendar), books I need to get out of the library, basic math equations, etc. You name it, I have a note for it.

But lately, I've noticed a trend. I've been adding things like my daily squats or my daily runs to the postits of things that need to be done for the day. That has to stop! I shouldn't be putting myself on the list of thing to take care of. Taking time for myself to take care of myself should be coming naturally, but it doesn't.

And then for some reason, I get frustrated when people just assume that I have all the time in the world for them and their emergencies or their problems. I feel hurt when people habitually put themselves first and take me and my feelings into account last. I feel hurt when I recognize that I am their option, while they are a priority.

But the reality is, I can't be hurt or angry with them. At the same time, I must recognize that I have conditioned people to treat me this way and always put me last. I have allowed this dichotomy to flourish.

Last night, I put myself first. I said screw it to my school work and my phone calls for work-work. I said it can wait to the dishes and boiling more drinking water (water advisory this week in our area). I said enough to the endless lists and piles of postits that I am trying to sort through.

And instead, I said TIME FOR ME.

And if I can continue to take this attitude toward my training for my next big bout of craziness, the training will come naturally. That I am sure of. My trainings will not be just another thing to check off on my to do list. They will be part of the want to list. And that list wont have to be scheduled in.

Because sometimes, its OK to put myself first. Sometimes its OK to be selfish.

12 comments:

  1. Absolutely you have to put yourself first Amy! Love this!

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    1. Thank you. I tend to do some of my best introspection during my runs. how about you?

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    2. Absolutely, although sometimes it annoys me? Sometimes I just want to let everything go and not think at all. Sometimes it's ok to get lost in thought and I come up with good solutions to problems. I think it just depends on the run. Lately I like my runs best when I just stop thinking all together! My head is going all the time, so my "me time" is to let that all go and not have to worry/think/plan...does that make sense?

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    3. That totally makes sense. Sometimes I go out and my head is going a mile a minute in trying to resolve some bothersome issues... and other times I get home to realize that I don't remember a thing about my run and it was awesome. So strange. but for some reason, I always seem to get the thought/thoughtless time I need. How that works, I have no clue.

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  2. It's always ok to put yourself first! Sometimes I forget that you won't do this...I will try to remind you to take a time-out. It may be a lesson learned with age...learn to say NO! I promise, no one is going to hate you because you tell them no...they might be upset at first because you won't do what they want you to, but they will end up respecting you more for knowing your own limits. It took me awhile to learn this myself and I still have some issues with pleasing people, but in the end you really just need to be happy with your...SELF!

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    1. Thank you so much Brina, I really needed this encouragement. And thanks for the phone call this morning. I needed that more than I can ever express.

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  3. "Because sometimes, its OK to put myself first." Not sometimes-ALWAYS. It's always okay (just like Brina said). 1 or 2 hours out of the 24 in a day for yourself is not much to ask for and others need to understand. Even once your 5-day training gets to the longer times, it's not like you'll be doing that forever...others need to understand you're doing something to reach a goal you've set and that's important to YOU. You do plenty for others...let them do for you by supporting your decision to accomplish this-and cheer you on while they're at it. I know I'm here cheering you on :-)

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    1. Thank you so much Carra, I don't know why, but somewhere along the line I became a person that always gives at the detriment of my own needs. I'm left feeling depleted. It is then that I seem to remember that I cannot care for others if I dont care for myself first. Thanks for the encouragement and reminders.

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  4. Are you on Twitter or Facebook? I want to make sure I don't lose track of this blog (your runDisney post made me lol).... but can't seem to find links if you're on there.

    Thanks!

    -Shannyn
    frugalbeautiful.com

    (also is it possible to enable name/url to post? I don't have a blogger blog so my profile goes nowhere).

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    1. I actually don't use twitter. I do have facebook right now, but am currently taking a couple days away to "reset" and focus on myself. facebook is Amy Melissa Guimond and I should be back in a few days.

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  5. Typical type A! I was the same way,list making, high goals, high expectation of myself but not taking the time to take care of myself. Give yourself that one day a week (at least) to relax and do something FUN/RELAXING that you want to do. School can wait a day, training can wait a day...better to wait that burn out. For CotN I'm not really training. I'm not out there for time, I'm there for the states...it's all about having fun and meeting people and the fact that there's no time limit makes it that much better. So relax and take care of yourself...took me a very long time to learn that. From a former Type A+ now a converted A-/B+ personality. lol!

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    1. thank you. I am working really hard to make sure to spend time on myself. I appreciate your kind words.

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